A story was told of a rich man going away for a prolonged period. Before leaving, he entrusted some of his money to his three servants. To one he gave five coins, to the second 2 coins and to the last one coin. Then he left.
Immediately, the first two servants put their money to work and multiplied the coins two folds each. The last, fearing that he would lose the coin, dug a hole and buried the coin.
Upon the rich man’s return, the first two received praises and were handsomely rewarded with more money to manage. The last servant received an earful from the rich man and was reprimanded harshly for being lazy. Even the single coin that he had was taken away from him and given to the first servant.
This story is found in the Holy Bible (Matthew 25:14-30). It’s a metaphor of the following beliefs that we as parents, guardians or mentors must embrace:
- Every child is bestowed with talents. – No exception!
- Every child has different and varying level of talents. – No standardization!
- Every child is expected to make use of and multiply his/her God given talents. – No excuses!
- Every child is measured not how well he/she has done compared with others but in relation to the talents given to him/her. – No comparisons!
- Every child need to be taught about taking actions. – No procrastination allowed!
Firstly, here are some timeless quotes on talents we can all enjoy:
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.” ― Erma Bombeck
“Hide not your talents, they for use were made, what’s a sundial in the shade?” ― Benjamin Franklin
“Our talents are the gift that God gives to us… What we make of our talents is our gift back to God” ― Leo Buscaglia
“Artistic talent is a gift from God and whoever discovers it in himself has a certain obligation: to know that he cannot waste this talent, but must develop it.” ― Pope John Paul II
Here’s another interestingly observation from the story. The second servant who produced two extra coins received the exact same praise as the first who produced five extra coins. Their master did not compare one against the other but measured their performance against the talents that was given to them individually.
What a gem of a lesson here!
Parents often cannot resist comparing their child’s results with their peers. Educators rank students according to their academic results. Even school examinations are known to be “national competition”.
Though it’s not possible to completely remove comparisons, is it not time for each child to be evaluated not on the basis of one-size-fits-all benchmarks but rather according to their individual inclinations? See earlier post on “Celebrate Your Child’s Uniqueness”.
Let’s stop comparing our children with others but cheer him/her on to compete against himself / herself.
Referring back to the story, so what was the deciding factor between the two successful servants and the unsuccessful one?
The key factor: Taking Action!
The two servants immediately took actions to put their money to work. Other versions use words like “at once” and “straightaway”.
On the other hand, the last servant allowed fear to immobilize him from taking action. In the story, his words were “I was afraid…”
Here an interesting contemporary version of the tragic exchange that took place between the unsuccessful servant and his master:
“The servant given one thousand said, ‘Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.’
The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest.’”
Matthew 25:24-27
One of the greatest enemies of our child’s success is fear.
As fathers, besides studying our children to understand their talents, it is our role to stretch them, push them, inculcate the timeless value of hard work and coach them to take acceptable risks and action.
I recently listened to a very interesting audio CD by world renowned retired neurosurgeon Dr Ben Carson about assessing and taking acceptable risk and I would like to recommend every father to listen to this CD or read the book: Take the Risk.
Dr Carson recommends a simple tool he calls the Best/Worst Analysis (B/WA) to identify and choose acceptable risks by asking four questions:
- What is the best thing that can happen if I do this?
- What is the worst thing that can happen if I do this?
- What is the best thing that can happen if I don’t do it?
- What is the worst thing that can happen if I don’t do it?
When our children were much younger, they were essentially fearless and curious. They were not afraid to explore, attempt to talk to strangers, try new experiences, etc.
It is parent like me who may have on occasions unintentionally overcompensated on protecting them from harm by giving instructions with negative tones such as “don’t fall!”, “be careful!”, “come down!” We have subconsciously instilled the notion of fear into their system and causing them to choose “safe “options out of fear of failing.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting a no holds barred approach of letting our children run loose and do whatever they want. In fact a healthy and appropriate dosage of fear preserves lives. But by being over cautious, we hinder our child’s capacity to move out of their comfort zone especially as they grow older.
Arguable the most well-known and timeless advertising tagline to date is by Nike: “Just Do It”
David J. Schwartz, author of “The Magic of Thinking Big” teaches his readers “Action cures fear”.
So,
- Let’s help our children to discover their talents,
- Coach them to recognize or create opportunities,
- Encourage them to take decisive actions, and
- Most of all, remind them to enjoy the process of learning and growing.
I like the words that are used in the contemporary version of the story. To bury and waste our talents is “terrible” and a “criminal” act.
To allow our children to do so through our own inaction is worst!